Gordon Tinklesbury Back is Again!

The thermostats in my flatmates room and he likes it ‘cosy’ but I’m sweaty. I used to sneak in and turn it down when he was out, but now he works from home. What to do?

Thanks, Anon.

There’s a simple way to cool down when you’re too hot, shed a few layers of clothing and ahow some skin. I’m sure your friend will be more than happy to turn the thermostat down when there’s an extra sausage in the kitchen at dinner time.

Gord

Hi there! I’m a 43 year old man. My two cats are not getting on.

Duncan

Hey, great question. I had this exact thing happen to me recently. I mean apart being 43  years old, we all know I’m gonna be 21 forever.

Cats can be spicy little furballs when they  want to be, lots of ego, lots of sass in those little bodies. The trick I found is that anyone or  anything will come together when faced with a common enemy.  

Sounds simple, but a bit more complicated in practise so stay with me here. We all know  that cats don’t like dogs. Common knowledge, like not wearing cords with denim, but hey we’ll save that one for another time.

Now, what’s scarier than a dog? A snake you might  say, or a shark? No... A human size dog. To bring your cats closer together you must become their enemy in the form of a human size dog.  

Now this could take many forms, I myself was more method in my act. Taking on the lifestyle of a dog for a couple of months to really get into the right mindset before I took on my untamed pussies. This will mean taking some unpaid time off work and possibly having to quit your job if you’re finding the switch difficult. Many would say this is overkill and  simply get a dog in to piss around the house a bit. But you have never seen true fear until  you have seen a pair of cats staring at a grown man covered in fur and PVA piss on his own  sofa. Now that... That will stop a lot more than a set of bickering kitties. 

Thanks again for your question, 

Gordon Tinklesbury x

My girlfriend keeps wearing my jumpers, I really want her to stop. How can I ask without hurting her feelings?

Ben, 21

The boyfriend's jumper is a classic. A multi-layered issue of need, warmth and affection.

Now  I have a simple solution for this one, testosterone. Just a couple drops in the morning brew  for a few weeks. In no time your girlfriend will have her own layer of hair to keep her warm.  

And possibly she will no longer fit in your clothes (depending on how long you keep the test tea going for.) 

Thanks, 

Gord.